Answering the call of nature is an integral part of wilderness camping and requires some heightened awareness of your surroundings. We dig a hole designated for this purpose when we camp choosing an area free of cactus or prickly plants, anthills, rattlesnake hideouts, and stay careful never to pollute a watercourse.
As we have gotten older we have purchased a “throne” that fits nicely above the hole to support the buttocks and save the knees. Or better yet, we have a toilet in our truck camper. However, while hiking you must improvise.
A desert throne set up over a hole with a great view
Why whiskey and ice make good 1st aid
Nature’s call urged me to pull off the lovely trail of wildflowers and pines I was hiking to take care of business. Deciding on a suitable spot to drop my drawers I casually took in the scenery while listening to the lazy drone of insects.
Upon completion of my task, I pulled up my pants and zipped them securely to “trap” a wasp in between my underwear and jeans. The wasp savagely protested by stinging me at least 6 times while I tore off my pants in record speed to release my tormentor.
“Though she be but little, she is fierce!” – William Shakespeare
A bee could have only bit me once, but a wasp has the luxury of inflicting its painful assault over and over. This wasp was no slouch. It made sure both cheeks had equal opportunity to feel its fury.
I hustled down the trail frantic to get back to our camp to apply ice to my swelling behind. The searing pain prevented my sitting down so I resorted to lying on my stomach with a frozen steak on my bum, (kept sanitary in a sealed ziplock while defrosting).
Downing an ample dose of whiskey partnered well with some ibuprofen. Keeping ice (or frozen meat) and whiskey (or other liquor of choice) on hand is a proven essential to your camping 1st aid kit. The 6-hour drive home from the Sierra mountains the next day proved very uncomfortable and my lesson learned will never be forgotten.
Prickly Poppy can be a squatting hazard
The moral of this story is when nature calls, ALWAYS pay careful attention to where you squat to avoid a nasty encounter with the surrounding natives (and pack some whiskey and a frozen steak in your first aid kit just in case!).
Help for women to answer the call of nature
Since this unhappy incident, I now use a handy product designed for woman to keep their pants up and pee. Yep, you read that right. Ladies, read my review and enjoy the freedom and privacy of using this descreet device.
Oh dear ??
I had a squatting ‘misadventure’ not too long ago. I was on a hill (as you often are on a hike in nz) and was holding onto a branch as I was squatting. Unfortunately, I didnt check to see if it was stable first. It wasn’t and I ended up down the hill, pants around my ankles ?♀️
Great story and good tip! I’m glad we can laugh now, as at the time “misadventures” can be ouchy or rather inconvenient.